Heads up!!!               1.12.20

It's time !!!! 

Open doors, let in the light

Can't go on pretending

That everything's alright..

Storms in my head-

Auras, surreal beautiful

Pounders- Blinding pain

Lighting, thunder rain..

I'm a migraneur

That's my new name...

Overwhelming anxiety

Feels as if I'm unprepared for life

And how it'll hit me..

Worrying ceaselessly

Trying to control

Everything

Everybody

Dreading 

Tomorrow

And what it'd bring

Catastrophic thinking

Concerning everything..

Coping, struggling

Easy days and tough

Mood swings weepy spells

'Black dog' 

Life under a grey cloud..

Abysmal darkness

Unending tunnel

No glimmer

No flicker 

Of light

Helpless

Hopeless

Given up

No end

In sight..

Severe pain

With nothing to show 

No fracture to fix

No surgery required

Crazy behaviour

Hating myself

For being this way

Hurting myself

The ones that I love..

Unable to do

The simplest of tasks

Getting out of bed

Brushing my teeth

Taking a bath..

Everest like

Impossible

Tears unending

Sadness 

Blackness

Just crying

And crying..

Being bombarded

Suicidal thoughts

Grotesque images

Of all sorts

Trying to function

Hold it together

Paste a smile

Wipe the tears 

Blow the nose

One more time…

Half of me

Hating myself

Degenerated state

This shell of myself

While the other half

Unable to

Understand

Comprehend..

Treatment atlast

Medicines

Kind professionals

Diagnoses

Counseling

Cloud lifting

Able to breathe

Peace in my mind

Get back to me..

That part of me

Hidden away 

Show off 

My personality

Pretend

All's well

Multi-talented

Perfectly..

I mean I'm a doctor

Pathologist, please..

Evidence based medicine

Not 

'this is how I feel'..

I'm a wife 

A mum

Many hats to wear

Perfection demands

Excellence

Everywhere..

But the anxiety

Right there

Can't think

Can't breathe

Mind like a washing machine

Stuck 

Endless repeats..

Spinning around

The same thoughts

'so much to do..'

'how will I do it all?'

And then

'so much time'

'what will I do?'

And dealing with people

And their personalities

How to prevent

Arguments

Criticism

Rubbing each other

The wrong way…

'help….

I don't know what to do..

Can't handle this…

Somebody help me please…'

Now I'm older

Greyer 

Wiser 

Larger in size

Now I know

One life 

We all get

Help each other 

Not ostracize..

Needless suffering

Silent diseases

Afflicting our mind

We 

Our children

Our loved ones

Are one of a kind

Can be affected

Any stage

Any time..

Help those

Who need it

Let them know

They're not mad..

No place for shame

There's help available

There's a name 

For what

 they're going through

Just an illness

Of the mind..

Not simply

A 'loose screw..'

My supportive

Spouse

Been there with me

In the tough times..

Prayed with me

Held me close

Wiped my tears

Never let me feel

I'm a kill joy

No matter what

Hung in with me

Down the lonely roads..

When Jesus walked

This world

Among the many

He healed

A demon possessed man

Cutting himself

Living in the tombstones

This man

Stands out in relief!!!!

Jesus healed him

Sweet release

The man begged

' Lord let me

Go with you..'

Jesus said

'My child, go,

 tell the world

What has been done to you'

And I hear

Jesus 

Looking at me

Tenderly

'You've been there

Living hell

You know

How it feels..

Go!!

Spread the news

Testify..

Speak out

Loud 

Bold'

This is my story

All who read

Pass it on

Be safe places

Listen

Heed

The warning signs..

Lives are precious

Minds too

 Gentle souls

Need love

  His touch 

Jesus the Healer

For 

Bodies

Souls

Minds

For

Me and you…

Lisa Choudhrie